How to Talk About Sexuality with Your Teen
At the peak of self discovery and hormonal growth, adolescents often have questions about sexuality that may be difficult for parents to answer. It’s normal and should even be encouraged for young people to wonder about their identity, relationships, and feelings.
Creating a safe, open space is essential for helping teens feel supported and empowered as they discover who they are. Here’s how to help:
Normalize the Conversation
These questions are a natural and beautiful part of your teen’s development, and although it may feel daunting and even scary to have them bring up a topic that feels so “grown up,” any and all questions should be addressed with respect, patience, and attention.
The questions don’t need to lead to concrete answers, and they don’t need to lead to new facts about how your teen identifies or what decisions they’re making. In other words, just because your teen asks about sex doesn’t mean they’re already having it. But if they are ready for it, parents who help them approach this topic with truth, gentleness, and safety are essential to helping teens make healthy decisions.
Listen Actively and Respect Boundaries
When your teen opens up, be sure to listen without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Let your teen know that it’s okay to have questions—and that it’s totally fine not to have everything figured out yet. They may even need support as they try to understand physical changes, and it’s essential to approach these conversations without judgment or shame. Let your teen know that no matter how they identify or what they feel, they are supported and loved. Creating a safe, open space helps remove the pressure and fear that already exists around these scary, stigmatized topics.
It’s important for parents and caregivers to respond with empathy, understanding, and support, even if the conversation surprises you. This means setting aside any personal beliefs or expectations. A lot of these conversations are exploratory, and it’s natural for teens to wonder about views that are different than their parents’. Although this might anger or worry some caretakers, gently reminding teens about your beliefs while still allowing space for an adolescent to come to their own helps teens experience safe guidance and loving limits.
Adults should have expectations and boundaries for their teens as they explore their sexuality. However, these should also be realistic and keep the teen in mind. Rigid rules are rarely helpful, and typically tend to cause fear and secret keeping. Instead, let your teen in on your decision making. Talk about your views and beliefs; open the space for them to tell you why these approaches are so important to them. It may allow teens to feel more balanced and even collaborate with you on certain rules and expectations.
Emphasize Consent & Healthy Relationships
Whether it’s about dating, sex, or understanding personal boundaries, consent is always key! Healthy relationships—whether romantic, sexual, or platonic—are built on mutual respect, trust, and communication. Encourage your teen to think about what makes them feel comfortable, respected, and safe in their relationships, and let them know it’s okay to say no or change their mind at any time.
Consent and boundaries are being modeled in these conversations, too! Make sure to respect your teen’s emotional and physical boundaries as they speak to you about their sexuality. They may be scared and they may need extra time. They may only want to talk about one question - not everything. Take it slowly; allow them to take the lead. And make sure your teen knows they can continue to come to you as needed, whenever needed.
Moving the Conversation Further
Talking about sexuality with your teen can be an empowering experience for both of you. When approached with empathy, openness, and respect, talking about sexuality with your teen can foster closeness, strengthening your bond and helping teens navigate their journey with confidence. Be a source of comfort for your teen and welcome these questions about identity and sexuality! And remember, should you need a therapist to help you and your teen process these questions, our team at Herr-Era can help!