How to LUV: When Sweet Turns Sour
This piece was originally written as a blog post for Elevated Healthcare and has been slightly modified
Although February 14th is meant to be bursting with kindness and candy, the holiday can create stress on friends, couples, and families who are trying to invent an ideal experience. This pressure can can lead to loads of uncomfortable situations or fights, rather than the expected dreamy dinners and heart-shaped eyes.
If your sweet V-Day plans start to sour because of an argument, keep calm: all you need is a little LUV.
Listen to your loved one or partner:
Conversations go very differently when we truly listen to what the person is trying to tell us. Instead of waiting until your chance to jump in, try to focus on what they’re telling you. Nodding or saying words like okay and mhm help show the person that you are listening. This not only helps them feel like you are genuinely interested, but it also helps you listen more intently to what they are saying.
Understand where they’re coming from:
Avoid jumping to conclusions and ask questions about what you’re hearing. Be clear about what is confusing to you; it may be helpful to reflect out loud with statements like, just to be sure I understand what you say… or what I’m hearing you say is…
Validate their points:
Validating a person’s feelings is different than agreeing with what they’re telling you. Statements like I understand your concern, or I can see how you thought that show the person that you recognize where they’re coming from. It also helps when you avoid conversation killers like raising your voice, sarcasm, or belittling comments like you’re always so dramatic and you never understand.
It's important to acknowledge that although there may be a difference in your perception of what happened, the conversation is happening so both of you can fight against the problem, not against each other.
LUV encourages honesty and vulnerability. It breeds respect. It reminds friends, loved ones, and partners that their insights are valuable and that their feelings should be communicated.
Whichever way you’re celebrating – whether it’s with friends or family, a long-time love or your newest crush, whether you’re curled up watching movies with plants and pets, or hard at work at the most popular venue in town – may it be a happy Valentine’s Day filled to the brim with lots of LUV!